I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize