i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
