You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just pee around me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
