I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize