I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
