i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
