You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
