she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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