I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
