how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
