I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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