i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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