This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
