did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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