Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize