i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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