I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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