forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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