What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize