problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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