My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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