i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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