your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
