remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
