I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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