i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize