OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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