if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
