..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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