my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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