you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
