i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
