Plan B is the new Plan A
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
