Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
