She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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