Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize