I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You left your phone here
Wait...
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