I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
