You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
why do cheetos always look like penises
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I did not marry a roomba.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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