:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The struggles of a small town man whore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
