The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A bitchslap is in order.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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