I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
