Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
