I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
