My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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