You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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