Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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