Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
