Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
