I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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