I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize