How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
