every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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