guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
