Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
