I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
