these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Your dad touched me again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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