Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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