My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
