Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
