hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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