i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
