the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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