I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
