it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
