You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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