Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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