Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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