I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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