She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
