just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
