I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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