just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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