I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
