I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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