im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
