I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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