I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I party with great urgency now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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