its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize