remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
only you would photoshop your dick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
