i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
