Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
