anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
