Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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