i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
