I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
